The Black Void of Casual Dating: An Escape Guide
Updated: Jan 12
As a professional Proposal Planner, Jasmine Jimmerson has heard a variety of stories about couples who “just knew”. She knows a thing or two, and can throw a lifeline into the void and reel you out.
Casual dating is when you order something in a restaurant, then look over at what your friend is eating, and wish you had that instead. Casual dating is clearly on the rise and with apps like Tinder, many people are choosing to forgo committed relationships. and keep their options open.
While its healthy not to rush into relationships out of societal expectation, religious pressure, or fear of being alone. How then do you KNOW when you have found the one worth sticking with?
When you’re young, you often don’t know what you want or need in a connection and casually dating and keeping your options open often helps build the necessary experience to choose better partners when/if you’re ready. But if you're ready to pull yourself out of this void and into the realms of long -term relationship, read on.
1. Know Thyself
First of all, she has noticed that those who are intentional about their decision to find a partner are also the ones who prepare themselves for when they eventually DO find their person.
If you are a victim of your circumstances and feel you have no power over your life, finding “the one” could feel like two ships passing in the night. However, for people who believe there is someone out there for them, they will behave in ways that makes this belief real. Your person has to see you, to find you.
2. Be Intentional
Jasmine insists on busting the myth of keeping your options open. As long as you are not intentional in your dating, then you are still in the void of casual dating.
You funnel energy into getting to know someone;
One person at a time, in a slow deliberate manner;
Thinking about what you truly want in a partner; and
Reflecting on patterns and habits that may be keeping you from finding that person.
The couples who have made that transition in their minds typically gravitate towards each other…. and these are the wonderful couples we get to meet while planning their proposals!
If you wish to find the love of your life, you must transition from casual dating to intentionally dating. Unless you do this, you will accidentally discover them when your options are still open and miss your chance.
3. The Transition
Warning, this is only for those who are ready. You know you’re ready when you:
Start noticing happy couples everywhere
Romance doesn’t make you feel disgusted, but sentimental.
You catch yourself daydreaming of having someone in your life or your home.
The transition happens when you decide it’s no longer a fantasy, but a reality you are now preparing for. This means you now date a person with the knowledge that if you realize they ARE the one, you won't have any secret regrets about your relationship’s beginnings.
It means adulting.
It means putting off desires so that you can take action with your heart and not just your body.
Some of the most successful couples share commonality in their careers or hobbies. For example, Michelle was visible to Barack Obama in college. She dated intentionally. She introduced Barack to her friends at a party. When you date to find your person, you let everyone know this is your decision and show them where you stand with that person.
Be clear with your intentions.
By contrast, someone who is casually dating will prefer for their peers to approve of their dates. The reason for this contrast is when you intend to find your person, you make it your personal choice. Casually dating is more like a multiple choice quiz, and your social group becomes your decision maker.
Once you make that transition, you need to practice. That’s right, PRACTISE being the person you want your person to see.
Practice can look like diving into your hobbies, growing in your career, or enjoying your solitude. Intent can become laser-focused in solitude.
Solitude is not the same as being alone. Solitude is your presence. To enjoy solitude is to enjoy your own presence. After all, how can you expect someone else to enjoy your presence if you can’t? The art of practicing to find your person is a process to be enjoyed.
4. Protecting The Process.
You’re taking your own steps to BE the one. You are transitioning from casual to intentional dating. You are practicing finding “The One.” Every day you enjoy your presence and build the foundation for you both. Last but not least, you are protecting your process.
You are… right?
Protecting it from fear, doubt, distractions. Protecting your process means protecting your choice. You made a decision. You have begun to do everything with the intent of that decision in mind. Its time to enjoy your decision. Cherish your choice. Get excited about your heart’s desire. If you truly want it, you will get it. Everyone eventually gets what they truly want.
The heart doesn't lie.
Once you forge your path to your person, that’s usually when other options become interested in dating you. This is a social phenomenon based on primitive biological processes. It’s here that protecting your process becomes essential, otherwise those primitive urges kick in and then it’s back to the void again.
You know you’re on your path when you feel peace and confidence. If you are experiencing anxiety, depression, or other mental angst its possible that’s your heart telling you something is wrong. Being visible to your person as they come towards you in life means clearing the path between you. Think of it as decluttering for your soul. Let us know in the comments below where you are in the process to finding, and becoming “The One.”
As San Diego’s premiere Proposal Planner, Proposals of San Diego creates moments that reflect the unique love story of each couple. We offer all-inclusive proposal packages, and plan one-of-a-kind experiences for marriage proposals, vow renewals and anniversaries.
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