top of page

Don’t Propose Until You’ve Discussed These Five Things

Updated: Jan 12, 2023

The hidden dangers that could derail your future marriage....

So… you say you're ready to propose ….you sure?

Proposing is only the first step in a journey that should last a lifetime. So what can you do NOW to set the relationship up for long-term success?

Here’s the top five (5) topics you should discuss with your partner BEFORE you pop the question:

  1. Honesty

  2. Money

  3. Sex

  4. Household Chores

  5. Kids


1. Honesty

Yes, this includes honesty about the rough stuff, and no, I’m not talking about “that dress makes your butt look big.”

I’m talking about emotional honesty, honesty around sex, honesty about your insecurities, your goals for the future.

A full commitment to honesty builds intimacy in the relationship.

If we hide parts of ourselves from our partner, this will build a wall to intimacy with our partner.

So, do you and your partner have a full commitment to honesty in the relationship, and is the expectation you want to bring into your marriage?

2. Money

So many of us are conditioned to think of discussing money as a taboo, or rude or somehow dirty. Many couples don’t ever even talk about it until they’re married, but this is a major topic and leads to more fights than almost any other!

It’s important to state your expectations around the finances -

  • Will you have a shared bank account?

  • Will you have separate accounts?

  • Can you do a hybrid system where you have a shared and also separate accounts?

  • What kind of spending is ok in the relationship?

  • Is one of you a big spender while one is a saver?

  • Does one make significantly more money than the other?

Its also essential to discuss if you are bringing any debt into the relationship. The more you can talk about the expectations you each have around your finances, the smoother this area of your relationship will be.

3. Sex

What’s the expectation around sex - How often are you and your partner going to be having sex? This is where communication and trust are key!

So too is respect for one another; being willing to meet your partners needs as well as your own.

A full commitment to honesty builds intimacy in the relationship.

4. Household Chores

If you are already living with your partner before proposing, this may be something you’ve already figured out. But if you are waiting until you’re married to live together, figuring out chores and how you’re going to keep your home is something you have to learn.

For example, who’s cooking, and who’s taking out the trash?

How do you keep the house when it’s just the two of you, versus how you keep the house when you have visitors?

5. Kids

Do you want kids, or do you not want kids? How many?

This is probably the MOST important topic to discuss with someone you intend to spend your life with. If you aren’t aligned on this issue, it can cause major issues in your relationship.

How will you discipline your children?

What religion will you bring them up with?

So here's five subjects to bring up, to find out any hidden expectations about what your life together is going to be like. When you’re able to bring these to the light, you’re able to steer clear of any potential deal breakers, pave the way for a much more secure and harmonious marriage, and finally, create something magical. When it comes to creating a magical proposal, leave the details to the professionals at Proposals of San Diego.


As San Diego’s premiere engagement consultants, Proposals of San Diego creates moments that reflect the unique love story of each couple. We offer all-inclusive proposal packages, and plan one-of-a-kind experiences for marriage proposals, vow renewals and anniversaries.


bottom of page