Updated: Jan 19
Marriage can be an amazing adventure to embark on. But it takes hard work, and tough conversations to build a solid foundation that will get you and your partner through tough times, together. I might sound like the Grinch for saying this, but when it comes to choosing a life partner, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. You have to know who your partner is on a intimately emotional, spiritual level. And that’s why having the guts to ask and answer these questions shows maturity, respect and a genuine commitment to your partner and your relationship.
If some of the answers that come up concern you, now is a great chance to work together, find compromises and figure out how you can overcome struggles together.
I’ve previously written about the need to discuss five very important topics with your partner; kids, sex, money, chores and honesty. Find it here-
Otherwise, read on for Part Two: Don’t Propose Until You’ve Discussed These Five Things.
Here’s five (5) topics you should discuss with your partner BEFORE you pop the question:
1. Quality Time
How often are you dating each other?
Articulate what you need from your partner in order to keep the romance alive!
Do you expect you can stop trying after you’re married, and spend the rest of your days with Netflix and pizza on the couch? Or do you want regular date nights where you both get dressed up and spend quality time just the two of you and some fancy cocktails.
What about quality time by yourself?
Are you the type of person who values making time just for yourself, or the type who wants to share every moment with their partner? And what about making time to see your friends?
Its very important to create a vision for what your quality time will look like when you’re married.
Love is not enough.
Communicate your expectations around exercise, and discuss your eating habits.
Can you establish a way to encourage one another to reach your health and fitness goals? Discussing this early will smooth the way into marriage, so you’re not horribly surprised later on.
What about your medical history, sexual health and family history? This is one thing I don’t think couples talk about nearly enough. It’s uncomfortable. But usually these are conversations that are the most important to have BECAUSE they are uncomfortable.
Marriage is in sickness and in health - don’t skip over it!
What's the prospect that you will inherit a monster-in-law, and if so, how will you handle the holidays and the expectations of each of your families?
Would you like grandma and grandpa to baby sit the kids every so often? Are her parents going to be coming by unexpectedly or does his mother expect to move in to your second bedroom?
How will you take care of your parents as they get older?
If you are older and bringing your children into a new relationship, where are they going to spend the holidays?
Find out what your spouse expects, create a vision you both align with, then discuss this respectfully with your respective families.
How often are you hanging out with your other couple friends, your own friends or your partner's friends, versus just hanging out as a couple, or even just hanging out with yourself?
Establish expectations that ensure your needs are met, but that also respects your partner’s need for space. I personally LOVE time to myself. It helps me center myself and find balance. My partner has a close group of friends that I don't know very well, so I'm happy to do my own thing while he does his. Happy couples need time apart and to have their own interests.
But what is his friends are immature and do stupid stuff, or what if you feel insecure about her going out without you sometimes? You don’t want to be that controlling, jealous husband or wife, but if you do find yourself feeling less than thrilled, it's important that you are communicating!
What does it mean to be in love?
How will you resolve fights?
Do you ignore each other for days until you forget what the fight was about, or do you hash it out immediately?
Is it ok to go to bed angry or do you need a 5 minute time out before you return to the calmly talk through your argument.
Recognize that its ok to fight, and it doesn’t mean your relationship is over. Every couple experiences friction in their relationship, or an agreement that’s broken. How you work through that will determine how successful your relationship will be long term.
And while we’re on communication, I don’t just mean the bad stuff - be clear about the good stuff too! What kind of lifestyle you want to have together! Is travel as important to them as it is to you? What about continuing to date or how you like to celebrate your birthday.
Finally, one bonus question because I feel so passionately about how important this is for couples. And trust me... its a BIG one…. what does it mean to be in love?
Your partner's answer to this can tell you if your relationship has what it takes to grow into a healthy, secure and beautiful marriage. If, after reading this, you think you’re ready to take the plunge, check out my article: https://www.proposalsofsd.com/post/readytopropose
Here you will discover the first steps in planning a proposal that’s perfect for your partner. And when it comes to creating the magic moment, leave the details to the professionals at Proposals of San Diego.
As San Diego’s premiere engagement consultants, Proposals of San Diego creates moments that reflect the unique love story of each couple. We offer all-inclusive proposal packages, and plan one-of-a-kind experiences for marriage proposals, vow renewals and anniversaries.